No, I was stupid. I should have never been that close to the chapel in the first place.
[ ...but that's been mostly handled, for now. He shifts a bit to rest his face onto his palm. ]
I expected Erhard to break, but not like that. I thought he reminded me of someone, but that was obviously just my past trying to chase me. I want to say I should have killed him when I was feeding off of him, but he didn't even deserve that. I told him all along I was a monster too, but I think he wanted to help me out of guilt. But in that case, Anon and I deserve the same treatment.
A life is a life, and no self-righteous bullshit changes that.
...I don't think I can blame you for that. It was Syaoran's fault in the first place.
[ Riku's learned that he can, in fact, still hold grudges, so yeah he's dunking on the brunet some. In a way, Syaoran is lucky that he's not the type to be viciously vengeful.
Otherwise, Riku is sure he could've made his exit point much more painful...emotionally speaking. Anon had him more than covered on the physical front there... ]
Erhard had always seemed like the type of person who'd give himself into darkness easily at the drop of a hat. The last time I'd spoken to him privately, he was having a hard time seeing beyond his own past, and his suffering.
[ At first, Riku had felt it was disheartening, knowing he'd been there; when all he could think about were his own regrets and suffering. But...he understood there was a difference between him and Erhard. He'd always been trying his best to better himself, to atone, even if he at one point thought he didn't deserve the friendship and love of those close to him. ]
He definitely went too far, but it's hard to say if it's something he regrets.
[ That gets a small grin out of Natsuno—misery loves company. ]
Yeah, he told me all about it. I was an outlet for him, a way for him to atone for the crime he thought he committed. [ And Natsuno was honestly fine with that. ]
He doesn't. But I'll make him pay for it one day. Right now it's impossible but..I guess passive immortality is pretty useful.
[ Though at the rest, Riku's expression becomes kind of...unreadable as he considered some things.
He guesses he'd hoped too much. In a way, he expected it--someone important to Erhard had died, so it wasn't really black and white. Still, there was a line that was crossed, and...well, there's no point thinking too hard on that now at the moment. ]
Speaking of which, does this mean you've regained everything you'd lost? With your abilities, I mean.
[ Granted he wasn't sure how much Natsuno had lost exactly, but he doesn't think the other had retained everything if he remembered correctly. ]
We were using each other. [ It's an important distinction to make, because Natsuno is long past accepting his true nature. ]
More than that, actually. [ He's laying on his stomach which is a good position for showing off vast dark brown wings which appear out of nowhere. They only linger for a moment, but they were undeniably real. ]
Marchosias. Another mouthful to Natsuno Yuuki-Koide. [ He kinda sounds amused though. At the fourth name he should probably just embrace it at this point. ]
[ He'll quip, before deciding to move to a chair to sit down, placing his arms on top of the chair, sitting in, but more of less having his front against where his back should be normally. ]
[ Sighing he sinks into the bed and plush a bit. Yeah it's best to start somewhere, and it's probably a good test to tell more than one person. ]
Tohru was my best friend. My only friend, I guess. I don't really like people, so it never mattered to me that I was alone or whatever. I didn't want any friends in Sotoba, because I wasn't sticking around. I was going to leave as soon as I could.
But that guy... [ Playing with the fur on the plush, it takes him a second to snap back into the present. ]
He always talked to me. Never left me alone. And at some point, I just got used to it. We didn't have anything in common, but he didn't care that I was...me. Even though he was friends with everyone in Sotoba, who didn't like me for one reason or another—he was always there.
Until he wasn't. The Shiki got him early on, and I had no idea what to do after that. I didn't believe it, really.
[ He'll pause here because that was a lot, and because he feels the need to move again. Flipping over on his back he lets the plush fall off to the side. ]
[ It's quiet for a while until almost silent laughter breaks the peace. Yeah, there's always more to this story and it's not good. ]
I thought that too. Maybe I was just stupid, or maybe I really wanted to believe. You should be careful what you wish for, I guess. Tohru came back, except it wasn't Tohru at all. He was a Shiki now, just like so many others.
[ He lets out a long exhale, some remaining laughter spilling from his lips. ]
I would have been fine with that, if that was the whole truth of it. I could kill a Shiki even if they looked like Tohru. And that's just what I planned to do. It would have been hard, but I could have done it. Someone had to fight back against them before it was too late.
He came for me, but I was ready. I had a cross and a stake and I was ready to kill this monster who used to be my best friend. But he wasn't—he wasn't a different person at all. He was the same Tohru who called me Natsuno even though I hated it, the same Tohru with that lazy smile, the same Tohru who would pout when things didn't go his way. If he was just a monster, I could have—
I couldn't do it. I told him that we could make it work, that he could feed from me as much as I was able to give him, that we could run away together from all the Shiki and the stupid rural village. If he wasn't a monster, then he was my friend. We could have made it work.
[ Well, Natsuno came back and he was still Natsuno.
Just proves that maybe underneath all of that Tohru was fake...or maybe messed up in the head, he thinks. Still, when the purple-haired male reveals that horrific end to his story, it's enough to make him feel a twinge in his chest. It was something not good at all.
How could it be? He was naturally upset that his friend betrayed him like that.
...He'd been a horrible friend to Sora, all the same. But this felt different somehow. ]
...Why'd he kill you?
[ One of his hands clenched tightly at his side. ]
I don't really know. He gave me one excuse after another, and it always changed. That's what he was all about: excuses. The white flowers... every night after he killed me, he left a white flower by my window.
I was okay with dying, you know. Even if I was angry, I would have done anything for him. But when I came back and when I confronted him, and when he cried because he didn't have to feel guilty anymore about what he did...I couldn't stand it. Everything was all about him. Maybe it always was.
Up until now, it's been the same. I thought about him every day, every night when I tried to sleep. I never finished things properly with him—he's dead but I didn't get the chance to end it myself.
But not anymore. I finally realized I can just be me, without him. And I can be me with someone else too. [ The end is quieter than the rest, but somehow it's stronger all the same. There's a lot he's worked through, a lot he's still working through, but he knows where he stands now. And he knows and accepts that he doesn't need to stand alone. ]
Riku's lips pressed tightly together. He doesn't understand how someone could just have so many excuses for killing another important to him. For once it just completely eludes him and makes that feeling twist in his chest again.
But...hearing the rest is good. ]
Natsuno, I'm honestly happy that despite everything that happened you managed to find your important person, and accept who you are.
...And if there's ever anything you need, remember that I'll always be there for you. That hasn't changed and it won't now.
[ After all, Natsuno is one of the few people he can call his friend. ]
You just need to deal with Nirrti. That's the one thing we can't do, because we're no longer on the board. Everything else is secondary. I'm living proof right? Death isn't as inescapable as it's painted.
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[ ...but that's been mostly handled, for now. He shifts a bit to rest his face onto his palm. ]
I expected Erhard to break, but not like that. I thought he reminded me of someone, but that was obviously just my past trying to chase me. I want to say I should have killed him when I was feeding off of him, but he didn't even deserve that. I told him all along I was a monster too, but I think he wanted to help me out of guilt. But in that case, Anon and I deserve the same treatment.
A life is a life, and no self-righteous bullshit changes that.
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[ Riku's learned that he can, in fact, still hold grudges, so yeah he's dunking on the brunet some. In a way, Syaoran is lucky that he's not the type to be viciously vengeful.
Otherwise, Riku is sure he could've made his exit point much more painful...emotionally speaking. Anon had him more than covered on the physical front there... ]
Erhard had always seemed like the type of person who'd give himself into darkness easily at the drop of a hat. The last time I'd spoken to him privately, he was having a hard time seeing beyond his own past, and his suffering.
[ At first, Riku had felt it was disheartening, knowing he'd been there; when all he could think about were his own regrets and suffering. But...he understood there was a difference between him and Erhard. He'd always been trying his best to better himself, to atone, even if he at one point thought he didn't deserve the friendship and love of those close to him. ]
He definitely went too far, but it's hard to say if it's something he regrets.
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Yeah, he told me all about it. I was an outlet for him, a way for him to atone for the crime he thought he committed. [ And Natsuno was honestly fine with that. ]
He doesn't. But I'll make him pay for it one day. Right now it's impossible but..I guess passive immortality is pretty useful.
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[ Though at the rest, Riku's expression becomes kind of...unreadable as he considered some things.
He guesses he'd hoped too much. In a way, he expected it--someone important to Erhard had died, so it wasn't really black and white. Still, there was a line that was crossed, and...well, there's no point thinking too hard on that now at the moment. ]
Speaking of which, does this mean you've regained everything you'd lost? With your abilities, I mean.
[ Granted he wasn't sure how much Natsuno had lost exactly, but he doesn't think the other had retained everything if he remembered correctly. ]
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More than that, actually. [ He's laying on his stomach which is a good position for showing off vast dark brown wings which appear out of nowhere. They only linger for a moment, but they were undeniably real. ]
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[ ...
Wait. Give him a moment. ]
When did you receive your wings?
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I added another name too, with it.
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The name you were given?
[ When he was brought back as a seemingly normalish person with a medical condition ?? ]
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Marchosias. Another mouthful to Natsuno Yuuki-Koide. [ He kinda sounds amused though. At the fourth name he should probably just embrace it at this point. ]
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...I think I'm going to stick to just Natsuno. I'm sure you'll understand.
[ Quirking his lips slightly. ]
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[ He'll quip, before deciding to move to a chair to sit down, placing his arms on top of the chair, sitting in, but more of less having his front against where his back should be normally. ]
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Tohru used to call me that no matter how many times I told him I hated it. But Tohru doesn't matter anymore.
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I don't think you've told me much about Tohru.
[ He'll leave the thread hanging there - if he wants to tell him about the other or not. ]
But, I think it's good to leave behind something that was holding you back.
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Do you want to know?
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I would. How'd you two know each other?
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Tohru was my best friend. My only friend, I guess. I don't really like people, so it never mattered to me that I was alone or whatever. I didn't want any friends in Sotoba, because I wasn't sticking around. I was going to leave as soon as I could.
But that guy... [ Playing with the fur on the plush, it takes him a second to snap back into the present. ]
He always talked to me. Never left me alone. And at some point, I just got used to it. We didn't have anything in common, but he didn't care that I was...me. Even though he was friends with everyone in Sotoba, who didn't like me for one reason or another—he was always there.
Until he wasn't. The Shiki got him early on, and I had no idea what to do after that. I didn't believe it, really.
[ He'll pause here because that was a lot, and because he feels the need to move again. Flipping over on his back he lets the plush fall off to the side. ]
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[ All the same, Riku feels like there is more to this story. There always is, so he gives pause and then: ]
Did...anything happen after that?
[ He can't imagine the other was always a vamp. Or maybe he was, who knows. ]
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I thought that too. Maybe I was just stupid, or maybe I really wanted to believe. You should be careful what you wish for, I guess. Tohru came back, except it wasn't Tohru at all. He was a Shiki now, just like so many others.
[ He lets out a long exhale, some remaining laughter spilling from his lips. ]
I would have been fine with that, if that was the whole truth of it. I could kill a Shiki even if they looked like Tohru. And that's just what I planned to do. It would have been hard, but I could have done it. Someone had to fight back against them before it was too late.
He came for me, but I was ready. I had a cross and a stake and I was ready to kill this monster who used to be my best friend. But he wasn't—he wasn't a different person at all. He was the same Tohru who called me Natsuno even though I hated it, the same Tohru with that lazy smile, the same Tohru who would pout when things didn't go his way. If he was just a monster, I could have—
I couldn't do it. I told him that we could make it work, that he could feed from me as much as I was able to give him, that we could run away together from all the Shiki and the stupid rural village. If he wasn't a monster, then he was my friend. We could have made it work.
But he killed me instead.
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Just proves that maybe underneath all of that Tohru was fake...or maybe messed up in the head, he thinks. Still, when the purple-haired male reveals that horrific end to his story, it's enough to make him feel a twinge in his chest. It was something not good at all.
How could it be? He was naturally upset that his friend betrayed him like that.
...He'd been a horrible friend to Sora, all the same. But this felt different somehow. ]
...Why'd he kill you?
[ One of his hands clenched tightly at his side. ]
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I was okay with dying, you know. Even if I was angry, I would have done anything for him. But when I came back and when I confronted him, and when he cried because he didn't have to feel guilty anymore about what he did...I couldn't stand it. Everything was all about him. Maybe it always was.
Up until now, it's been the same. I thought about him every day, every night when I tried to sleep. I never finished things properly with him—he's dead but I didn't get the chance to end it myself.
But not anymore. I finally realized I can just be me, without him. And I can be me with someone else too. [ The end is quieter than the rest, but somehow it's stronger all the same. There's a lot he's worked through, a lot he's still working through, but he knows where he stands now. And he knows and accepts that he doesn't need to stand alone. ]
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Riku's lips pressed tightly together. He doesn't understand how someone could just have so many excuses for killing another important to him. For once it just completely eludes him and makes that feeling twist in his chest again.
But...hearing the rest is good. ]
Natsuno, I'm honestly happy that despite everything that happened you managed to find your important person, and accept who you are.
...And if there's ever anything you need, remember that I'll always be there for you. That hasn't changed and it won't now.
[ After all, Natsuno is one of the few people he can call his friend. ]
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Thanks I-thanks. [ ... ] I can't help you directly as Watanuki's piece, but there might be other ways.
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Hey, it's not a problem at all.
[ He looks thoughtful at the rest of that, though. ]
Other ways?
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You just need to deal with Nirrti. That's the one thing we can't do, because we're no longer on the board. Everything else is secondary. I'm living proof right? Death isn't as inescapable as it's painted.
Trust me.
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