[ Sighing he sinks into the bed and plush a bit. Yeah it's best to start somewhere, and it's probably a good test to tell more than one person. ]
Tohru was my best friend. My only friend, I guess. I don't really like people, so it never mattered to me that I was alone or whatever. I didn't want any friends in Sotoba, because I wasn't sticking around. I was going to leave as soon as I could.
But that guy... [ Playing with the fur on the plush, it takes him a second to snap back into the present. ]
He always talked to me. Never left me alone. And at some point, I just got used to it. We didn't have anything in common, but he didn't care that I was...me. Even though he was friends with everyone in Sotoba, who didn't like me for one reason or another—he was always there.
Until he wasn't. The Shiki got him early on, and I had no idea what to do after that. I didn't believe it, really.
[ He'll pause here because that was a lot, and because he feels the need to move again. Flipping over on his back he lets the plush fall off to the side. ]
[ It's quiet for a while until almost silent laughter breaks the peace. Yeah, there's always more to this story and it's not good. ]
I thought that too. Maybe I was just stupid, or maybe I really wanted to believe. You should be careful what you wish for, I guess. Tohru came back, except it wasn't Tohru at all. He was a Shiki now, just like so many others.
[ He lets out a long exhale, some remaining laughter spilling from his lips. ]
I would have been fine with that, if that was the whole truth of it. I could kill a Shiki even if they looked like Tohru. And that's just what I planned to do. It would have been hard, but I could have done it. Someone had to fight back against them before it was too late.
He came for me, but I was ready. I had a cross and a stake and I was ready to kill this monster who used to be my best friend. But he wasn't—he wasn't a different person at all. He was the same Tohru who called me Natsuno even though I hated it, the same Tohru with that lazy smile, the same Tohru who would pout when things didn't go his way. If he was just a monster, I could have—
I couldn't do it. I told him that we could make it work, that he could feed from me as much as I was able to give him, that we could run away together from all the Shiki and the stupid rural village. If he wasn't a monster, then he was my friend. We could have made it work.
[ Well, Natsuno came back and he was still Natsuno.
Just proves that maybe underneath all of that Tohru was fake...or maybe messed up in the head, he thinks. Still, when the purple-haired male reveals that horrific end to his story, it's enough to make him feel a twinge in his chest. It was something not good at all.
How could it be? He was naturally upset that his friend betrayed him like that.
...He'd been a horrible friend to Sora, all the same. But this felt different somehow. ]
...Why'd he kill you?
[ One of his hands clenched tightly at his side. ]
I don't really know. He gave me one excuse after another, and it always changed. That's what he was all about: excuses. The white flowers... every night after he killed me, he left a white flower by my window.
I was okay with dying, you know. Even if I was angry, I would have done anything for him. But when I came back and when I confronted him, and when he cried because he didn't have to feel guilty anymore about what he did...I couldn't stand it. Everything was all about him. Maybe it always was.
Up until now, it's been the same. I thought about him every day, every night when I tried to sleep. I never finished things properly with him—he's dead but I didn't get the chance to end it myself.
But not anymore. I finally realized I can just be me, without him. And I can be me with someone else too. [ The end is quieter than the rest, but somehow it's stronger all the same. There's a lot he's worked through, a lot he's still working through, but he knows where he stands now. And he knows and accepts that he doesn't need to stand alone. ]
Riku's lips pressed tightly together. He doesn't understand how someone could just have so many excuses for killing another important to him. For once it just completely eludes him and makes that feeling twist in his chest again.
But...hearing the rest is good. ]
Natsuno, I'm honestly happy that despite everything that happened you managed to find your important person, and accept who you are.
...And if there's ever anything you need, remember that I'll always be there for you. That hasn't changed and it won't now.
[ After all, Natsuno is one of the few people he can call his friend. ]
You just need to deal with Nirrti. That's the one thing we can't do, because we're no longer on the board. Everything else is secondary. I'm living proof right? Death isn't as inescapable as it's painted.
Don't worry, I think we've had that handled. I think I have faith in the others too--we'll all be able to come up with something, even if it's not turning out how I expected.
[ But, maybe that's for the best. ]
At the same time, we're not going to just leave you guys stranded either. I know we can manage both.
[ He understands the priorities well enough, though at the same time he's not about to leave it just at taking care of Nirrti. Those who are 'no longer on the board' are still firmly in his mind and obviously still with them.
I don't really. But I have faith in you. [ Maybe that's a bit heavy, but it's the truth. Trust isn't something he gives lightly, so it needs to be said. ]
I know. But we can. I promised Anon I would wake him up, no matter what it took.
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Tohru was my best friend. My only friend, I guess. I don't really like people, so it never mattered to me that I was alone or whatever. I didn't want any friends in Sotoba, because I wasn't sticking around. I was going to leave as soon as I could.
But that guy... [ Playing with the fur on the plush, it takes him a second to snap back into the present. ]
He always talked to me. Never left me alone. And at some point, I just got used to it. We didn't have anything in common, but he didn't care that I was...me. Even though he was friends with everyone in Sotoba, who didn't like me for one reason or another—he was always there.
Until he wasn't. The Shiki got him early on, and I had no idea what to do after that. I didn't believe it, really.
[ He'll pause here because that was a lot, and because he feels the need to move again. Flipping over on his back he lets the plush fall off to the side. ]
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[ All the same, Riku feels like there is more to this story. There always is, so he gives pause and then: ]
Did...anything happen after that?
[ He can't imagine the other was always a vamp. Or maybe he was, who knows. ]
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I thought that too. Maybe I was just stupid, or maybe I really wanted to believe. You should be careful what you wish for, I guess. Tohru came back, except it wasn't Tohru at all. He was a Shiki now, just like so many others.
[ He lets out a long exhale, some remaining laughter spilling from his lips. ]
I would have been fine with that, if that was the whole truth of it. I could kill a Shiki even if they looked like Tohru. And that's just what I planned to do. It would have been hard, but I could have done it. Someone had to fight back against them before it was too late.
He came for me, but I was ready. I had a cross and a stake and I was ready to kill this monster who used to be my best friend. But he wasn't—he wasn't a different person at all. He was the same Tohru who called me Natsuno even though I hated it, the same Tohru with that lazy smile, the same Tohru who would pout when things didn't go his way. If he was just a monster, I could have—
I couldn't do it. I told him that we could make it work, that he could feed from me as much as I was able to give him, that we could run away together from all the Shiki and the stupid rural village. If he wasn't a monster, then he was my friend. We could have made it work.
But he killed me instead.
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Just proves that maybe underneath all of that Tohru was fake...or maybe messed up in the head, he thinks. Still, when the purple-haired male reveals that horrific end to his story, it's enough to make him feel a twinge in his chest. It was something not good at all.
How could it be? He was naturally upset that his friend betrayed him like that.
...He'd been a horrible friend to Sora, all the same. But this felt different somehow. ]
...Why'd he kill you?
[ One of his hands clenched tightly at his side. ]
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I was okay with dying, you know. Even if I was angry, I would have done anything for him. But when I came back and when I confronted him, and when he cried because he didn't have to feel guilty anymore about what he did...I couldn't stand it. Everything was all about him. Maybe it always was.
Up until now, it's been the same. I thought about him every day, every night when I tried to sleep. I never finished things properly with him—he's dead but I didn't get the chance to end it myself.
But not anymore. I finally realized I can just be me, without him. And I can be me with someone else too. [ The end is quieter than the rest, but somehow it's stronger all the same. There's a lot he's worked through, a lot he's still working through, but he knows where he stands now. And he knows and accepts that he doesn't need to stand alone. ]
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Riku's lips pressed tightly together. He doesn't understand how someone could just have so many excuses for killing another important to him. For once it just completely eludes him and makes that feeling twist in his chest again.
But...hearing the rest is good. ]
Natsuno, I'm honestly happy that despite everything that happened you managed to find your important person, and accept who you are.
...And if there's ever anything you need, remember that I'll always be there for you. That hasn't changed and it won't now.
[ After all, Natsuno is one of the few people he can call his friend. ]
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Thanks I-thanks. [ ... ] I can't help you directly as Watanuki's piece, but there might be other ways.
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Hey, it's not a problem at all.
[ He looks thoughtful at the rest of that, though. ]
Other ways?
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You just need to deal with Nirrti. That's the one thing we can't do, because we're no longer on the board. Everything else is secondary. I'm living proof right? Death isn't as inescapable as it's painted.
Trust me.
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Don't worry, I think we've had that handled. I think I have faith in the others too--we'll all be able to come up with something, even if it's not turning out how I expected.
[ But, maybe that's for the best. ]
At the same time, we're not going to just leave you guys stranded either. I know we can manage both.
[ He understands the priorities well enough, though at the same time he's not about to leave it just at taking care of Nirrti. Those who are 'no longer on the board' are still firmly in his mind and obviously still with them.
He won't accept leaving without them. ]
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I know. But we can. I promised Anon I would wake him up, no matter what it took.
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[ Having so much faith in him...that's nice to know, but all the same Riku knows that it's not just resting on his shoulders.
He just releases a sigh, but at the other male's words, he considers them carefully. ]
He's asleep?
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