Private 「Shadow」

[sotoshini]

Comments

week 3 saturday night

[sotoshini]

[ Visiting Shadow after trial is kind of becoming commonplace, and it's not like they don't share a mutual haunt. There also was that matter of the second floor library excursion which Natsuno had let rest for a few days. He's really not one for comfort, but he can do solidarity maybe. Natsuno calls out to him from one of the rafters when he spots the hedgehog, unable to see if he's currently engaged in drinking but his question is relevant anyway. ]

I heard that mixing liquors is supposed to give you a headache.

[chaoscontrol]

[he is, unsurprisingly, engaging in alcohol -- aged rum this time. He flops in his favorite chair and sulks]

I don't care.

[sotoshini]

[ Jumping down once he sees Shadow is settled in. ]

Is it true though? [ This is important to know! ]

[chaoscontrol]

I wouldn't know. I've never drunk this much in my entire life.

[sotoshini]

[ Humming lowly, he considers. ]

You didn't think that a friend would kill a friend?

[chaoscontrol]

I was hoping no one would kill anyone. But for something like that to happen...

[he huffs and takes a swig right from the bottle]

Bonds mean so little.

[sotoshini]

They do. That's how I died the first time and all.

[chaoscontrol]

The first time! [Shadow raises his brows] How many times have you died, exactly?

[sotoshini]

...twice? [ Things he should probably not sound so detached about: this. ]

[chaoscontrol]

... that's not as bad as I was expecting. [siiiiiip] Did that happen at the Foundation? Or do jinrou have a way of coming back from the dead?

[sotoshini]

The first time was when I was human. The second time was right before I joined the Foundation.

I really should be dead. [ Thrown out there like this, it's hard not to hear the self-deprecation. ]

[chaoscontrol]

[Shadow laughs a bit, coldly]

So should I. And yet, here I am.

[sotoshini]

[ ... ]

Death really isn't that easy to find, hmn?

week 7 monday

[sotoshini]

[ Hey Dad, what are you up to? Wherever you are, Natsuno's gonna come over and plop down with a small sigh. ]

It's weird being stuck on this side, even if it's only been a few days.

[chaoscontrol]

[Shadow is dozing in the shade of the tree, arms folded over his chest. He doesn't look at Natsuno. He doesn't even open his eyes]

It's boring and it makes me anxious.

[sotoshini]

This is what Sotoba felt like all the time. There's no obaasan to gossip, but I'm still getting the occasional stare so it's close enough.

[ He'd probably be just as miserable like he was then if not for Anon. Still, the coincidences aren't easy to ignore, and it's enough to irritate him when he sits to think about it, especially the last part. ]

[chaoscontrol]

What's a "sotoba".

[he's pointedly not commenting about the stares. You think this is any more fun for him?]

[sotoshini]

That was the name of the village I'm from. It's also a type of grave marker, though.

[ Yeah, pretty morbid. And probably not. ]

A rural place in the middle of nowhere with nothing going on, so people would just talk about me because I was an outsider. I guess I'm used to it but...

[ He really doesn't want to go here either, but he's also not the type to just avoid something. ]

He's even stupider than I thought if he thinks that I'm going to risk everything just to piss him off. Or whatever he thinks I'm going to do.

[chaoscontrol]

Like living in a town called Cemetery.

[there are worse names for villages.

Shadow cracks open one eye to look at Natsuno as he speaks, then closes it back with a grumble. He knows exactly who Koide is referring to]

He's frightened. Lonely. Confused. Surrounded on all sides by people he perceives as enemies, and expecting retaliation at any moment. [Shadow shifts, uncrossing his legs and then crossing them back the other way] It's going to be a long week.

[sotoshini]

Yeah, exactly.

[ He'll meet Shadow's gaze, his own his usual brand of stoic with a slight hint of a scowl. ]

I like vengeance. But there's no point if it would risk what-who I care about. Besides, he's just another mistake I made. I'm supposed to be trying to move past those, I think.

[ Offhandedly, like he could go either way. Which is the truth. ]

[chaoscontrol]

[Shadow's getting better at interpreting Natsuno's microexpressions, at least]

Vengeance always feels so good, so viscerally satisfying. I'd be a hypocrite if I said that revenge is pointless. Sometimes that cruel happiness is worth the effort, but most of the time it isn't. Most of the time... it's best to just learn your lessons and move on from the past, let your success be the revenge.

[sotoshini]

Hmnn. So what's my lesson here, stop making blood deals with doctors? Especially self-flagellating ones.

[ That's blunt and cold, but judging from the way he leans forward onto his palm there's something else at play here. ]

[chaoscontrol]

I don't think it was necessarily a bad arrangement. But I don't think that's the lesson, either.

[Shadow has his eyes open all the way now, at least, and he's watching Natsuno]

Sometimes people just don't get along, and it takes time to figure that out.

[sotoshini]

[ Thrumming his fingers against his chin. ]

Maybe I should have told him that I brainwashed my best friend into helping me before letting him die from the start. He probably would have understood what kind of person I am better, then. It worked with Ozaki at least. [ Throwing that out there oh so casually. ]

[chaoscontrol]

Well, in general, if you want something from someone, telling them you are willing to brainwash your friends and then letting them perish is probably not the way to go about it. Even if it is truthful.

[Shadow gives Natsuno a small glare] ... I do hope you're not doing any more brainwashing any time soon, Koide.