[ Well that gets Natsuno to move at least from his sentry like position at the door. Erhard's familiar with his speed from before but now it's nigh untraceable. To human eyes, he's just a blur with bright red eyes. Standing next to doctor's bed is familiar, even if this all upside down. ]
And he would have killed you. But that's what you want, isn't it? An easy way out. I'm not going to help you drown in your guilt no matter how much you beg. You don't deserve that much.
I told you that you never really knew me, and I should have known that went both ways. You're nothing like Ozaki, he would have gone out fighting for what he cared about.
... you're right about one thing. You don't know me.
If Sherlock was still alive, I would've done everything in my power to protect him. Anon could've torn me apart, but I still would've tried. I'm not afraid to die, Koide. I never have been. I'm just tired of seeing my friends in pain, and now feeling that pain myself.
[He looks up at the teen, and there's a coldness in his eyes where fatigue was earlier.]
If you think that's weakness, that's your problem, not mine. If you want to be angry that you're still alive, blame Anon's wish and Nirrti, not me. Let me grieve the people I've lost, and if you can't stand it, then go away.
You think that's why I'm angry? What a joke. [ He'll meet that look no problem. ]
You're not afraid to die, and you don't want to live either. You'll never understand either of us, but at least we fight for what we want, no matter the cost. If you're going to give up, you're more useless than trash.
Shadow told me the dead can be brought back. I want... I need to believe that.
[He wasn't sure before, but now, faced with Natsuno's scorn? The more he talks about it, the more he believes it. Conviction pours in, firming his voice and his glare.]
Sherlock promised we'd see each other again. I'm going to have faith in that promise. That's worth living for.
... I executed Anon, but I'm not a killer. I remember Cumberland College now. I won't let those nightmares haunt me anymore. This... I'll overcome this in time, too.
[He climbs off the bed and starts trying to shove Natsuno toward the door.]
[ Not fighting it, in fact he will actually push Erhard back with a lot more force than he needed to so enjoy that trip across the room. ]
Congratulations. But you're still a killer now, Erhard. Try and forget that, and I'll be happy to remind you. I promise. [ And then he's leaving. As intense as this conversation was, his parting words are a whole other level entirely. ]
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[He sounds flat and tired, more than he ever did after previous trials.]
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You tell me, sensei. Why would I be here visiting you, not killing you the second I laid eyes on you, even if it's what you deserve?
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[He liked Natsuno, even if Natsuno never really cared much about him. It doesn't matter now, nothing does.]
I would've gone after him sooner, to protect everyone, but I didn't want to hurt you.
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And he would have killed you. But that's what you want, isn't it? An easy way out. I'm not going to help you drown in your guilt no matter how much you beg. You don't deserve that much.
I told you that you never really knew me, and I should have known that went both ways. You're nothing like Ozaki, he would have gone out fighting for what he cared about.
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If Sherlock was still alive, I would've done everything in my power to protect him. Anon could've torn me apart, but I still would've tried. I'm not afraid to die, Koide. I never have been. I'm just tired of seeing my friends in pain, and now feeling that pain myself.
[He looks up at the teen, and there's a coldness in his eyes where fatigue was earlier.]
If you think that's weakness, that's your problem, not mine. If you want to be angry that you're still alive, blame Anon's wish and Nirrti, not me. Let me grieve the people I've lost, and if you can't stand it, then go away.
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You're not afraid to die, and you don't want to live either. You'll never understand either of us, but at least we fight for what we want, no matter the cost. If you're going to give up, you're more useless than trash.
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Shadow told me the dead can be brought back. I want... I need to believe that.
[He wasn't sure before, but now, faced with Natsuno's scorn? The more he talks about it, the more he believes it. Conviction pours in, firming his voice and his glare.]
Sherlock promised we'd see each other again. I'm going to have faith in that promise. That's worth living for.
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If you believe that, then you should actually try living and not wallowing in your despair.
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[He climbs off the bed and starts trying to shove Natsuno toward the door.]
Get out of my room, I'm getting a shower.
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Congratulations. But you're still a killer now, Erhard. Try and forget that, and I'll be happy to remind you. I promise. [ And then he's leaving. As intense as this conversation was, his parting words are a whole other level entirely. ]