[ Trust. It's disgusting but that's fine—so is everything right now, it feels like. Natsuno's existence, his feelings, his thirst, his thoughts, his dreams, his doubts, his regrets, his confusion; everything. Who was he? He didn't know, except now he was willing to try and find out.
The transformation is sudden like before, incisors sliding down, gaze turning black. The bite isn't painful, and to a doctor like Erhard it might even feel routine. A few heartbeats is all it takes for the venom in his fangs to spread through the circulatory system, evoking a calming, euphoric effect. Describing it as a pleasant haze wouldn't be too far off the mark.
................
Natsuno lets himself get lost in the sweet metallic taste on his tongue before he pulls back, having taken more than he intended. It's not enough to be truely deleterious, even so; his stomach can only hold so much blood even if he's stuffed himself to his limit. Rising up from his knee, he takes in several breaths like they're his first. ]
Sensei? [ Lazily, he licks an errant dribble of blood from the corner of his lips. ]
[A small sting, like a pair of narrow cannula piercing the vein. A rush of warmth. Quickening pulse and a quiet gasp.
He feels like he's floating. It's almost like a tiny hit of opioid painkillers. Is this what... pleasure feels like? He tries to think moody thoughts but he simply can't. For the first time in his life, he feels lighter, the weight of his past melting from his shoulders. All that matters is that he's not mired in self-loathing for once. He's helping Natsuno in a way he can't comprehend, and he has this in return. Fascinating.
When he comes back to himself he still feels warm all over, his pupils dilated. It's almost easy to ignore the dizziness that has him nearly swooning back onto the bed. Oh, he's going to be wobbly for the rest of the day, isn't he? Maybe this will let him sleep without nightmares for once. But he should probably replenish fluids and electrolytes to compensate for the lost blood....
Natsuno's talking to him, isn't he? Hazy crimson eyes flicker toward the jinrou's face, and for the first time the smallest hints of a genuine smile touch the doctor's lips.]
[ Natsuno laughs, a light pleasant sound. This is all wrong, but he doesn't care right now. ]
I should be the one asking you that. [ But in reply he stretches, muscles taught and full of vigor. All his senses prickling, the world feels awash in color from a static monotone. ]
Warm. Relaxed. I feel like I could actually sleep through the night, without nightmares.
[That laugh... Natsuno sounds so different. Erhard wishes he would sound like that more often. He's been through so much, he deserves some measure of peace.]
That'll last a few hours, until the next dusk at the latest. [ He takes a moment to consider that question while he readjusts to his heightened senses. ]
Have you heard of the phrase: shikata ga nai, sensei? It means "it can't be helped". My existence, who I am—it can't be helped. So why fight it when I'd rather fight the witches instead?
[Erhard watches him carefully, mostly coherent through that lingering haze. Natsuno's words still have that hint of pessimism, of resignation, but there's defiance there too, isn't there? There's the drive to take something he hates and turn it into power to be used against their common enemy.]
Then I'll offer this whenever I can.
[He doesn't mind being fuel for one of their more powerful weapons. It's something he can do, when he's otherwise useless outside of his medical knowledge.]
You'll need a few days to recover, but you probably know that better than me. Guess you could use the sleep it'll provide you though. [ It was almost mutually beneficial huh? ]
What are you going to say if they decide to try to make everyone strip again? It'll pass for a bug bite unless someone takes a real close look, but you are the expert. It won't be that big of a deal if people find out, but it would be a hassle.
If you took less than a pint, I should recover quickly. Normally male whole blood donors need to wait a minimum of twelve weeks to replenish all red blood cells. Females take longer.
[He looks up at Natsuno, serious despite the pleasant lassitude weighing him down.]
We don't have the luxury of twelve weeks, though. And I'm assuming you don't trust all of the people here to act as donors, at least the ones who actually have human blood. So I'll hold on as long as I can, and the Foundation should be able to help me once we escape.
Ha, Ozaki sensei really was committed. I fed on him and then the kirishiki mistress did for a few days after...he probably gave himself blood transfusions but man. [ Natsuno sounds both flippant and impressed all at once. ]
Shiki need to feed at least every other day, that's why they're a death sentence for all their victims. Jinrou don't need blood as I told you, but we can't use our abilities otherwise and it's...a pain. [ An understatement really because it's torture, even with his tremendous will power. ]
I won't take as much next time. Every other week...no, every week if we want to do this properly. This game can't last that long. It'll break sooner rather than later, one way or the other. [ He cocks his head to the side, meeting Erhard's gaze. ]
But I won't kill you. The world doesn't need more things like me.
I don't care if it frightens you or not. I wouldn't care if I was blamed for you death either if it didn't mean becoming enslaved to someone else. [ His voice rising a touch, he's insistent. ]
I care that there's a possibility you could rise and everything I've done up until now would have been for nothing.
[ Natsuno glowers but makes no further comment. That was...fine, he had already accepted as much by knocking on Erhard's door. ]
Maybe. But it's not a necessity for me to anymore. [ The hunger will return in a few days, but it'll be a lot easier to deal with. Now his only excuse for avoiding investigation will be his social reclusiveness. ]
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The transformation is sudden like before, incisors sliding down, gaze turning black. The bite isn't painful, and to a doctor like Erhard it might even feel routine. A few heartbeats is all it takes for the venom in his fangs to spread through the circulatory system, evoking a calming, euphoric effect. Describing it as a pleasant haze wouldn't be too far off the mark.
................
Natsuno lets himself get lost in the sweet metallic taste on his tongue before he pulls back, having taken more than he intended. It's not enough to be truely deleterious, even so; his stomach can only hold so much blood even if he's stuffed himself to his limit. Rising up from his knee, he takes in several breaths like they're his first. ]
Sensei? [ Lazily, he licks an errant dribble of blood from the corner of his lips. ]
no subject
He feels like he's floating. It's almost like a tiny hit of opioid painkillers. Is this what... pleasure feels like? He tries to think moody thoughts but he simply can't. For the first time in his life, he feels lighter, the weight of his past melting from his shoulders. All that matters is that he's not mired in self-loathing for once. He's helping Natsuno in a way he can't comprehend, and he has this in return. Fascinating.
When he comes back to himself he still feels warm all over, his pupils dilated. It's almost easy to ignore the dizziness that has him nearly swooning back onto the bed. Oh, he's going to be wobbly for the rest of the day, isn't he? Maybe this will let him sleep without nightmares for once. But he should probably replenish fluids and electrolytes to compensate for the lost blood....
Natsuno's talking to him, isn't he? Hazy crimson eyes flicker toward the jinrou's face, and for the first time the smallest hints of a genuine smile touch the doctor's lips.]
How do you feel?
no subject
I should be the one asking you that. [ But in reply he stretches, muscles taught and full of vigor. All his senses prickling, the world feels awash in color from a static monotone. ]
Alive. You?
no subject
[That laugh... Natsuno sounds so different. Erhard wishes he would sound like that more often. He's been through so much, he deserves some measure of peace.]
Why did you decide to do it?
no subject
Have you heard of the phrase: shikata ga nai, sensei? It means "it can't be helped". My existence, who I am—it can't be helped. So why fight it when I'd rather fight the witches instead?
no subject
Then I'll offer this whenever I can.
[He doesn't mind being fuel for one of their more powerful weapons. It's something he can do, when he's otherwise useless outside of his medical knowledge.]
no subject
You'll need a few days to recover, but you probably know that better than me. Guess you could use the sleep it'll provide you though. [ It was almost mutually beneficial huh? ]
What are you going to say if they decide to try to make everyone strip again? It'll pass for a bug bite unless someone takes a real close look, but you are the expert. It won't be that big of a deal if people find out, but it would be a hassle.
no subject
[He looks up at Natsuno, serious despite the pleasant lassitude weighing him down.]
We don't have the luxury of twelve weeks, though. And I'm assuming you don't trust all of the people here to act as donors, at least the ones who actually have human blood. So I'll hold on as long as I can, and the Foundation should be able to help me once we escape.
no subject
Shiki need to feed at least every other day, that's why they're a death sentence for all their victims. Jinrou don't need blood as I told you, but we can't use our abilities otherwise and it's...a pain. [ An understatement really because it's torture, even with his tremendous will power. ]
I won't take as much next time. Every other week...no, every week if we want to do this properly. This game can't last that long. It'll break sooner rather than later, one way or the other. [ He cocks his head to the side, meeting Erhard's gaze. ]
But I won't kill you. The world doesn't need more things like me.
no subject
[There's still that unblinking, intense stare, though Erhard's dilated pupils soften it somewhat.]
Becoming like you doesn't frighten me. I don't want you to be blamed for my death, that's all.
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I care that there's a possibility you could rise and everything I've done up until now would have been for nothing.
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[How many people would distrust Natsuno simply based on what he is? Erhard's not like that, he'd be a hypocrite if he was.]
Are you going to stay on the fringes of the group during trials, waiting for an opportunity?
no subject
Maybe. But it's not a necessity for me to anymore. [ The hunger will return in a few days, but it'll be a lot easier to deal with. Now his only excuse for avoiding investigation will be his social reclusiveness. ]