I kind of wonder what it would have been like in a traditional Japanese place. It's kind of cozy like this.
[He's about to take a sip but gets completely distracted when there's suddenly a whole lot of Natsuno next to him, and he eventually gives up and sets down the cup to curl up against him with a little sigh. It's warm where they're all lined up, and his head is a little heavy with sake and thoughts and plans and all kinds of things, so he sets it a bit clumsily on his companion's shoulder.
It gives him a nice view of the sake bottle, which doesn't quite make up for not being able to look at Natsuno from this angle, but them's the breaks. It at least quiets down the strange part of him that's reared its head lately, that wants to touch all the time and gets even louder when alcohol happens. It makes little sense to him, but that's kind of been the theme around here.
Normally he'd be all for all impulses, but it's not like he can see Natsuno all the time, anyway. He's making the most of it.]
Hammock beds... are those ones made out of nets, right? They seem more like traps than beds.
[There's a bit of amusement as he tries to picture how the thing works.]
We should find one then. One better than here that's at least forty tatami mats and has an onsen.
[ That might defeat the point of cozy, but there's amenities to consider too. For his part Natsuno is content to be a headrest and he lets his eyes slip closed. They'll be no sleeping (at least for now), but he can't help feeling perfectly relaxed like this. ]
Mhmm. But maybe you'd sleep in a tree with me then. [ As it turns out, liquor removes what very little filter Natsuno has in the first place. ]
Ah, I don't know how much forty tatami mats is. But I'd like an onsen, too, if it's going to be someplace to stay...
[He's quiet for a moment, thoughtful or maybe just picturing it -- this strange dream really is the kind of place where they could use an onsen or someplace similarly outright relaxing. Watanuki's soul is a little sparse in terms of furnishings and even sparser in terms of rooms or amenities with more purpose.
Not that he's complaining, but it's something to think about it while they're here.
Natsuno does get the interesting sensation of Anon laughing against his shoulder after a little while, soft and jostling.]
I'm fine with a tree or anywhere, really, just as long as it's not poisonous or anything. It's not like you have to set a trap.
It's pretty big. [ There's a lazy, dumb smile on his lips at the new sensation. He's very much imagining the whole affair too, and some part of him realizes it's ironic that he's longing for the "peace" and "solitude" his father spoke of so much. At least for now anyway. ]
I would never trap you. [ That's said seriously, and is followed up by Natsuno rolling over again, this time on his back, taking the infernal with him in the process. A reverse of their positions under the sakura tree a week ago, except he's a touch more red because of the liquor. Which is fine, the more prominent flush is more than worth it for the boldness he's feeling. ]
Hammock beds just make it easier to sleep like this. But no poison trees, I promise.
[Anon lets himself be moved easily, perching on Natsuno's chest afterwards with his elbows taking some of his weight -- he's not exactly light, after all, even if the proximity like this makes him want to get closer regardless. He has a good view this way, anyway. The looseness of their hanami outfits makes it easy to tangle their ankles and get comfortable, and the knot of his hair is coming a little undone, loops of pink curving down to tickle at Natsuno's collar.
The look on his face is flushed and happy and very soft.]
I know. That's why I-- [he pauses, as though searching for words, for a long moment] --why I'm here. Because you get it, all of it.
[All of me, passes almost unspoken. He tucks himself a little closer, is quiet for a moment or two.]
... I never did tell you how that trap worked, did I?
[ Natsuno follows Anon's lead as they get settled into their new positions. He's mostly passive except he presses just a bit closer in kind, even this proximity doesn't feel like it's enough. For now though it'll do, he can just enjoy getting lost in all the sensations and how easily they seem to fit together. Even with the weight on his chest he feels like he can breathe easier than before.
He smiles at the rest, punctuating it with a soft Mnn of affirmation. He needed to say it regardless, but it was more than worth it for what he got in return. This lovestruck look is here to stay for a while longer, though he makes an effort at distracting himself by reaching up to play with one of those errant strands of pink. ]
[He manages to distract Anon in turn, apparently, because his eyes slide shut briefly at the touch and there's a quiet sigh before he settles again. Part of him is still and always reluctant to speak again or to move anywhere away from this atmosphere, the way Natsuno looks right now and the warmth cradling them.
But it helps, too -- the lazy movement of the sake in his blood and limbs and mind, and the way Natsuno is all around him like this, like he'll never need to move again. Everything else seems far away. He reaches up and messes with the soft folds of that outfit, the ample collar.]
Okay.
I told you about my clan, right? The Protectorate Clan of the Infernals. And I told you about the war that ended long ago. It was... tens of thousands of years ago? It was a long, long ceasefire. And barely anyone remembers it now, except us. And the Celestial Beasts.
[ The lock of pink gets gently curled around his finger as his listens. It's both an idle motion and an active one, something to reaffirm that somehow after everything that's happened, he's here and able to take part in all of this. ]
Yeah, you did. Do infernals and celestials live long, or do you keep really good records? [ It's something he's kind of wondered every now and again. He tilts his neck into the touch as he asks, just a bit greedy. ]
A little bit of both. Everyone wanted to forget the war. They wanted to just throw themselves into peace and forget and dismantle everything that came before, like that would make the peace last.
[He hums, quiet as the words he's offering, and moves his hand up Natsuno's neck, knuckles brushing his cheek before he tucks his fingers into the purple hair. There's slow, idle exploration of the new sensations and textures as he continues.]
But we didn't forget. The Protectorate... was supposed to be one of the oldest and strongest clans. One of our duties was to keep the Celestial Beasts. But after the war, the Celestials decided that having the Beasts around was too dangerous. They were all going to be changed into household pets, and all of their other functions would be eliminated.
[It's probably getting a little clearer where this whole thing is going.]
There wasn't any room for the real Celestial Beasts, or too many of the Sacred Weapons, or anybody else who wasn't interested in a peace like that.
Stupid idealism. [ That needed to be said because it even went against what was preached to him so often. Remember the past so you can don't repeat the same mistakes in the present. But for the rest he listens, relaxing into the touch letting his eyes slide closed. At least until the end, red irises flashing like the horizon at dawn. Yeah, he doesn't like where this is going at all. Letting the strands of hair drop from his hand he opts for more intimate contact, sliding his arms around Anon in a tight embrace. The contact relaxes after a moment, but he's staying in this position. He wants to be close, he needs to be close. ]
So they wanted to use you only to discard you in the end for the "greater good". I bet they thought they were being generous too, because if you just went along with it everything would work out. Deru kugi wa utareru—the nail that sticks out gets hammered down. I hate garbage like that.
[He laughs, soft and an affirmation of Natsuno's dismissiveness there; lets himself be gathered into the embrace, curling an arm around one of Natsuno's shoulders and soaking in the closeness.
There's a darker edge to the laugh, too, though -- a gleam of teeth in his smile when he goes on.]
Haha, they wish they could have used us like that. The Protectorate was always one of the most dangerous groups in the Underworld, especially during the war -- we tamed our own Celestial Beasts and we could use Celestials any way we liked, just as long as we could capture them. It was a stalemate for control of the worlds. That's why they had to agree to a ceasefire.
[Thus far, a lot of the tale has been told with the sort of detachment and matter-of-factness of a series of events that happened to someone else. That hasn't changed quite yet.]
... All of the other Infernals agreed to it. The Protectorate ended up standing alone after that, apparently.
I asked Father once, if they tried to eliminate the clan the way they did the real Celestial Beasts. It would have made sense, especially back when there were still skirmishes. They didn't succeed either way, though. We guarded our Beasts for years and years and years, and it's almost impossible to track us down if we don't want to be found.
I'm pretty sure there used to be a lot more of us, though.
Going along with the mob is the easy way out. [ Just idle commentary with a note of approval, cause he's experienced the same thing himself naturally. Though in his case it was with a literal mob. There's some lingering irritation that he channels into playing with the fabric underneath his fingers, and any stray locks that have escaped the ribbon. More so the latter than the former, that dark laugh strangely tempting. ]
Makes sense with the whole [ Miming that noming motion from 2 Lies and a Truth. Anon might not be able to see it, but it's the thought that counts. Or something like that. ] thing.
[There's another sigh and then an amused sort of noise, between Natsuno's playing with his hair and the miming that he can't see but can definitely tell is some sort of strange funny motion -- Anon really can't tell which reaction to go with. But that's fine.
He's comfortable either way, and the touches themselves are soothing -- he could sleep, he thinks, or really throw himself into touching in return like he's been wanting to this whole time. The second one would win.
He takes a breath, fingers tightening a little against Natsuno's shoulder, and keeps going.]
The tournament was just the latest thing. It was stupid, but... I-- [he pauses, reorients a little bit, because there are so many things that it's hard to explain and sort through] I think what the clan was always after was to get their old standing and power back. They wanted to lead again. And they wanted to take the Celestial world like everyone was meaning to all those years ago.
"It's what we were meant to be."
[He murmurs it softly, like a long-ago lesson.]
When I was littler, I believed in it. Trust only the clan. Take revenge on the Celestials. Take everything back someday.
[ Mmn. As hazy as his mind is, he catches that movement even if it is a bit later than he would have liked. He's still going to touch, just more rhythmical and purposeful. And if that means that they settle closer in together then that's a plus, but far secondary to his actual intent. ]
The clan was really good at making enemies, you know...?
The Celestials hated us for being Infernals, and for messing up the peace, and for guarding the Beasts and all kinds of things. That was normal.
The Infernals hated us for stirring up the Celestials all the time, and fighting a war that didn't exist anymore, and everything else we could do that they couldn't. That sucked, but it's because they were cowards.
The humans were useless, and didn't know we existed, but all they were really good for was getting real mad at anyone they thought was different. There wasn't any point to them.
[There's a gentle tap against Natsuno's shoulder for each, a casual counter.]
... It was interesting, having so many enemies. It was easy to get stronger, so I got stronger, and stronger, and before I knew it I was the strongest one in the whole clan. And then I realized -- nobody could stop me anymore. Nobody wanted to stop me.
I could do whatever I wanted.
[That's definitely his 'I thought punching God would be fun' voice, but he's unsmiling as he says it, letting things slip quiet and unremarked upon into the gap. There's a tension thrumming through him that he takes a breath, and forces out, and--]
I realized that the clan was never going to get anywhere. They were just letting God and the Celestials drag them into all their politics, and their games, and instead of -- instead of taking what they wanted, they would just keep playfighting in a war that didn't exist.
[ There's a lot here, so much he could poke and prod at but he won't. That's not who Natsuno is. He's a good listener despite the airs he puts on, and in some ways maybe that was his problem with everyone else all along. Going through the motions was tiring, teasing out and following etiquette was tiring. Why bother when everything would be simpler if everyone just spoke their mind. He hated politics and all the other noise inbetween. ]
I guess you could do whatever you wanted. But they were all still there. Celestials doing their self-righteous thing, infernals doing their cowardly thing, humans doing what humans do best, and the Protectorate going along for the ride pretending they weren't, while hanging onto your tail.
You could do whatever you wanted, but they were still there reminding you of it all. There were still expectations, even then. It's not the same but... I think that was the most disappointing thing about not dying the first time. I wasn't human any longer so I could ignore their rules, but I had to follow the shiki ones now instead. It was just natural to side with them, so why wouldn't I? I was only one of three jinrou, I was valuable and expected to play my part for "my" side. No one ever understood why I wanted nothing to do with humans, shiki, or jinrou. But I couldn't just ignore them either. I had to destroy them or it was going to crush me. One way or the other.
[ ... ]
No one understood though, until you. [ And though their experiences don't line up all the way, that doesn't matter. Natsuno accepts all of it. He could just say that but instead, instead he pulls back just as little as he needs to and kisses the bundle of pink nestled on his shoulder. ]
[He relaxes, softly and by degrees, as Natsuno talks -- lulled perhaps by the sound of his voice as much as by the words. There's something familiar about the way they echo each other across time and space and all the worlds in between; a pair of mirrors, red and clear, always. A reminder: this is where he wants to be.
Anon doesn't say anything, but with how closely they're entwined right now Natsuno can probably feel it anyway -- the way those last words and the kiss tremor right through him, full-bodied and involuntary the way that promise under the cherry tree did. A moment later he pulls up a little too, but it's quick and short-lived and solely to surge upward to catch Natsuno's lips with his own.
It's clumsy and probably kind of painful with how little control he has right now and the angle, but he's too busy continuing to pepper kisses -- a little in apology, but mostly just a mess of motion as though making up for holding himself back all this time. It's warm between them and still tastes like sake and he's muttering incoherently, bits and pieces of things that are little more than breath because he still hasn't learned not to talk while kissing.
Eventually it all melts into a proper kiss, fierce and lingering and distinctly sweeter than the sake. Words can come later.]
[ Natsuno lets himself fold under those kisses, clumsiness, messiness, sheer intensity and all. Sweet and sanguine, and more intoxicating than the sake in his veins. He's no stranger to the pangs of want and hunger, but this is different, more wanton in a way he never knew he was capable of.
Instinctively he moves to catch more of the kisses, shifting to his side before righting them both so he's more properly flush against the soft give of the futon. Though he could be laying on a mound of stones and he wouldn't care.
There's even less room for words now as they settle and Natsuno makes sure of it, pressing forward himself when too many bits and pieces threaten to come inbetween them. When they finally meet properly there's no resistance or restraint at all, just full and utter acquiescence.
How long they're like this is irrelevant, and it's difficult to say when he notices the pinprick amongst everything else. It's also something he knows well, distinct from any lovebites up to this point. As much as he doesn't want to, he slips some words when he can. ]
...I guess you like this too. [ Licking his lips, somehow this is the point when he feels embarrassed. ]
[Anon, for his part, doesn't look embarrassed whatsoever -- just kind of hazy, a little drunker-looking than he was on all the sake and deeply flushed and definitely out of breath, which is usually a rarity for him. He has to pull back a little bit so he can actually look at Natsuno, because he immediately dipped his head to try and catch him again, because that's apparently a thing now.
He's just really bad at stopping, too, once he's thrown all of himself wholeheartedly and messily and all over the place into everything that's coalesced between them here.
There's a lick of his lips in response, lazy and slightly delayed. Thoughtful.]
Mmmm, maybe? But it's okay.
'Cause I want to do this all the time-- [and he drops another kiss on Natsuno's mouth, seemingly unable to help himself now] --and every day-- [kiss] --and always.
[He's definitely doing his best to totally kiss all the words out of Natsuno again despite any pinpricks or perhaps the pinpricks are fine as part of the package? He may have either completely forgotten about all functions of the fangs there or he might just be as into the fangs as he is into everything else. It's a very real possibility.]
[ For a second there's a flicker of a frown; hurting Anon is the last thing he wants to do. But then it melts away into red hot cheeks at that confession and a different sort of embarrassment from earlier. He's never been more acutely aware that he has a heart, in both senses of the word. ]
Me too. [ Giving into the kisses again. ] I don't wanna stop. Or sleep. Or do anything else. [ One last feeble protest that would be more effective if he wasn't returning the kisses with what's quickly growing into reckless abandon. Worrying about more than a few seconds into the future is overrated. ]
[There's the softest laugh from Anon where it messes up their rhythm for just a moment, because he'll probably never learn not to laugh smack in the middle of kissing, a bright ribbon of happiness threading through it like the yellow one still nominally in his hair somewhere. All of their clothes and things are absolutely a mess now, he has one hand wound firmly in Natsuno's hair and the other curled by his neck for proper leverage.
It takes a while after that for him to slow again, and it's not until they're both gasping for breath and their mouths are getting sleepier, slower and lazier and softer and he pauses for a moment to lean his forehead against Natsuno's and breathe out, breathe him in.
His head is spinning like he just dove from the sky without wings and he's never been this close to another person like this so much, for so long that it's hard to tell up from down from where Natsuno is, still properly gathered around him the way he was at the beginning.]
Me too, you know...? [it sounds like he's pulling the words from a thousand years away but they drop gentle and unresistingly down, like kisses themselves] You're the only one who ever really got it and you're here and I--
[There's briefly a raw sort of quality to his voice that tastes a little more like what they were talking about, what feels like hours ago now. It smooths out and he settles back into another kiss, lighter and briefer. This close, when the light hits his eyes at the right angle it's easy to see what happens to them when he's feeling especially feral or worked up: the red blooms around cat-slitted pupils, sharp and a little predatory even when the rest of him is whisper-soft.]
I really don't know how I found you. I thought I never would and I would have burned through every world and every dimension to find you anyway but you were right here. And this isn't even a world at all.
[There's another laugh but it's hushed and unsteady like what he just said, like it's tripped out of him. He tucks his head against Natsuno's and curls around him again and just stays there for a moment.]
[ By the time they part his lungs are burning and his blood feels as lazy and languid and soft as his limbs. He's surely gotten a good dose of his own venom by now, and that mixed with the sake and everything else makes him feel like he's floating through a heavy cloud—kisses like raindrops that fall on his skin.
The red bloom of irises reminds him of flowers buds opening at dawn, and it's perhaps in that moment that he realizes that there's beauty in things he used to disregard. He can't look away, but he can search with his one arm (the other still wrapped tightly around Anon's waist in spite of this literal loveknot of fabric and skin), to link their hands together. ]
You found me. [ He repeats, part reminder to himself and part acknowledgement that he's finally found the place where he belongs. ] And I found a real reason to keep going.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[He's about to take a sip but gets completely distracted when there's suddenly a whole lot of Natsuno next to him, and he eventually gives up and sets down the cup to curl up against him with a little sigh. It's warm where they're all lined up, and his head is a little heavy with sake and thoughts and plans and all kinds of things, so he sets it a bit clumsily on his companion's shoulder.
It gives him a nice view of the sake bottle, which doesn't quite make up for not being able to look at Natsuno from this angle, but them's the breaks. It at least quiets down the strange part of him that's reared its head lately, that wants to touch all the time and gets even louder when alcohol happens. It makes little sense to him, but that's kind of been the theme around here.
Normally he'd be all for all impulses, but it's not like he can see Natsuno all the time, anyway. He's making the most of it.]
Hammock beds... are those ones made out of nets, right? They seem more like traps than beds.
[There's a bit of amusement as he tries to picture how the thing works.]
no subject
[ That might defeat the point of cozy, but there's amenities to consider too. For his part Natsuno is content to be a headrest and he lets his eyes slip closed. They'll be no sleeping (at least for now), but he can't help feeling perfectly relaxed like this. ]
Mhmm. But maybe you'd sleep in a tree with me then. [ As it turns out, liquor removes what very little filter Natsuno has in the first place. ]
no subject
[He's quiet for a moment, thoughtful or maybe just picturing it -- this strange dream really is the kind of place where they could use an onsen or someplace similarly outright relaxing. Watanuki's soul is a little sparse in terms of furnishings and even sparser in terms of rooms or amenities with more purpose.
Not that he's complaining, but it's something to think about it while they're here.
Natsuno does get the interesting sensation of Anon laughing against his shoulder after a little while, soft and jostling.]
I'm fine with a tree or anywhere, really, just as long as it's not poisonous or anything. It's not like you have to set a trap.
no subject
I would never trap you. [ That's said seriously, and is followed up by Natsuno rolling over again, this time on his back, taking the infernal with him in the process. A reverse of their positions under the sakura tree a week ago, except he's a touch more red because of the liquor. Which is fine, the more prominent flush is more than worth it for the boldness he's feeling. ]
Hammock beds just make it easier to sleep like this. But no poison trees, I promise.
no subject
The look on his face is flushed and happy and very soft.]
I know. That's why I-- [he pauses, as though searching for words, for a long moment] --why I'm here. Because you get it, all of it.
[All of me, passes almost unspoken. He tucks himself a little closer, is quiet for a moment or two.]
... I never did tell you how that trap worked, did I?
no subject
He smiles at the rest, punctuating it with a soft Mnn of affirmation. He needed to say it regardless, but it was more than worth it for what he got in return. This lovestruck look is here to stay for a while longer, though he makes an effort at distracting himself by reaching up to play with one of those errant strands of pink. ]
You didn't. Tell me.
no subject
But it helps, too -- the lazy movement of the sake in his blood and limbs and mind, and the way Natsuno is all around him like this, like he'll never need to move again. Everything else seems far away. He reaches up and messes with the soft folds of that outfit, the ample collar.]
Okay.
I told you about my clan, right? The Protectorate Clan of the Infernals. And I told you about the war that ended long ago. It was... tens of thousands of years ago? It was a long, long ceasefire. And barely anyone remembers it now, except us. And the Celestial Beasts.
no subject
Yeah, you did. Do infernals and celestials live long, or do you keep really good records? [ It's something he's kind of wondered every now and again. He tilts his neck into the touch as he asks, just a bit greedy. ]
no subject
[He hums, quiet as the words he's offering, and moves his hand up Natsuno's neck, knuckles brushing his cheek before he tucks his fingers into the purple hair. There's slow, idle exploration of the new sensations and textures as he continues.]
But we didn't forget. The Protectorate... was supposed to be one of the oldest and strongest clans. One of our duties was to keep the Celestial Beasts. But after the war, the Celestials decided that having the Beasts around was too dangerous. They were all going to be changed into household pets, and all of their other functions would be eliminated.
[It's probably getting a little clearer where this whole thing is going.]
There wasn't any room for the real Celestial Beasts, or too many of the Sacred Weapons, or anybody else who wasn't interested in a peace like that.
no subject
So they wanted to use you only to discard you in the end for the "greater good". I bet they thought they were being generous too, because if you just went along with it everything would work out. Deru kugi wa utareru—the nail that sticks out gets hammered down. I hate garbage like that.
no subject
There's a darker edge to the laugh, too, though -- a gleam of teeth in his smile when he goes on.]
Haha, they wish they could have used us like that. The Protectorate was always one of the most dangerous groups in the Underworld, especially during the war -- we tamed our own Celestial Beasts and we could use Celestials any way we liked, just as long as we could capture them. It was a stalemate for control of the worlds. That's why they had to agree to a ceasefire.
[Thus far, a lot of the tale has been told with the sort of detachment and matter-of-factness of a series of events that happened to someone else. That hasn't changed quite yet.]
... All of the other Infernals agreed to it. The Protectorate ended up standing alone after that, apparently.
I asked Father once, if they tried to eliminate the clan the way they did the real Celestial Beasts. It would have made sense, especially back when there were still skirmishes. They didn't succeed either way, though. We guarded our Beasts for years and years and years, and it's almost impossible to track us down if we don't want to be found.
I'm pretty sure there used to be a lot more of us, though.
no subject
Makes sense with the whole [ Miming that noming motion from 2 Lies and a Truth. Anon might not be able to see it, but it's the thought that counts. Or something like that. ] thing.
Hmn, and then eventually the tournament happened.
no subject
[There's another sigh and then an amused sort of noise, between Natsuno's playing with his hair and the miming that he can't see but can definitely tell is some sort of strange funny motion -- Anon really can't tell which reaction to go with. But that's fine.
He's comfortable either way, and the touches themselves are soothing -- he could sleep, he thinks, or really throw himself into touching in return like he's been wanting to this whole time. The second one would win.
He takes a breath, fingers tightening a little against Natsuno's shoulder, and keeps going.]
The tournament was just the latest thing. It was stupid, but... I-- [he pauses, reorients a little bit, because there are so many things that it's hard to explain and sort through] I think what the clan was always after was to get their old standing and power back. They wanted to lead again. And they wanted to take the Celestial world like everyone was meaning to all those years ago.
"It's what we were meant to be."
[He murmurs it softly, like a long-ago lesson.]
When I was littler, I believed in it. Trust only the clan. Take revenge on the Celestials. Take everything back someday.
That's the path that I was always meant to walk.
no subject
But that's what they wanted. What about you?
no subject
That was the trap. All of it.
The clan was really good at making enemies, you know...?
The Celestials hated us for being Infernals, and for messing up the peace, and for guarding the Beasts and all kinds of things. That was normal.
The Infernals hated us for stirring up the Celestials all the time, and fighting a war that didn't exist anymore, and everything else we could do that they couldn't. That sucked, but it's because they were cowards.
The humans were useless, and didn't know we existed, but all they were really good for was getting real mad at anyone they thought was different. There wasn't any point to them.
[There's a gentle tap against Natsuno's shoulder for each, a casual counter.]
... It was interesting, having so many enemies. It was easy to get stronger, so I got stronger, and stronger, and before I knew it I was the strongest one in the whole clan. And then I realized -- nobody could stop me anymore. Nobody wanted to stop me.
I could do whatever I wanted.
[That's definitely his 'I thought punching God would be fun' voice, but he's unsmiling as he says it, letting things slip quiet and unremarked upon into the gap. There's a tension thrumming through him that he takes a breath, and forces out, and--]
I realized that the clan was never going to get anywhere. They were just letting God and the Celestials drag them into all their politics, and their games, and instead of -- instead of taking what they wanted, they would just keep playfighting in a war that didn't exist.
[...]
So I decided to destroy all of them.
no subject
I guess you could do whatever you wanted. But they were all still there. Celestials doing their self-righteous thing, infernals doing their cowardly thing, humans doing what humans do best, and the Protectorate going along for the ride pretending they weren't, while hanging onto your tail.
You could do whatever you wanted, but they were still there reminding you of it all. There were still expectations, even then. It's not the same but... I think that was the most disappointing thing about not dying the first time. I wasn't human any longer so I could ignore their rules, but I had to follow the shiki ones now instead. It was just natural to side with them, so why wouldn't I? I was only one of three jinrou, I was valuable and expected to play my part for "my" side. No one ever understood why I wanted nothing to do with humans, shiki, or jinrou. But I couldn't just ignore them either. I had to destroy them or it was going to crush me. One way or the other.
[ ... ]
No one understood though, until you. [ And though their experiences don't line up all the way, that doesn't matter. Natsuno accepts all of it. He could just say that but instead, instead he pulls back just as little as he needs to and kisses the bundle of pink nestled on his shoulder. ]
no subject
Anon doesn't say anything, but with how closely they're entwined right now Natsuno can probably feel it anyway -- the way those last words and the kiss tremor right through him, full-bodied and involuntary the way that promise under the cherry tree did. A moment later he pulls up a little too, but it's quick and short-lived and solely to surge upward to catch Natsuno's lips with his own.
It's clumsy and probably kind of painful with how little control he has right now and the angle, but he's too busy continuing to pepper kisses -- a little in apology, but mostly just a mess of motion as though making up for holding himself back all this time. It's warm between them and still tastes like sake and he's muttering incoherently, bits and pieces of things that are little more than breath because he still hasn't learned not to talk while kissing.
Eventually it all melts into a proper kiss, fierce and lingering and distinctly sweeter than the sake. Words can come later.]
no subject
Instinctively he moves to catch more of the kisses, shifting to his side before righting them both so he's more properly flush against the soft give of the futon. Though he could be laying on a mound of stones and he wouldn't care.
There's even less room for words now as they settle and Natsuno makes sure of it, pressing forward himself when too many bits and pieces threaten to come inbetween them. When they finally meet properly there's no resistance or restraint at all, just full and utter acquiescence.
How long they're like this is irrelevant, and it's difficult to say when he notices the pinprick amongst everything else. It's also something he knows well, distinct from any lovebites up to this point. As much as he doesn't want to, he slips some words when he can. ]
...I guess you like this too. [ Licking his lips, somehow this is the point when he feels embarrassed. ]
I didn't get you did I?
no subject
He's just really bad at stopping, too, once he's thrown all of himself wholeheartedly and messily and all over the place into everything that's coalesced between them here.
There's a lick of his lips in response, lazy and slightly delayed. Thoughtful.]
Mmmm, maybe? But it's okay.
'Cause I want to do this all the time-- [and he drops another kiss on Natsuno's mouth, seemingly unable to help himself now] --and every day-- [kiss] --and always.
[He's definitely doing his best to totally kiss all the words out of Natsuno again despite any pinpricks or perhaps the pinpricks are fine as part of the package? He may have either completely forgotten about all functions of the fangs there or he might just be as into the fangs as he is into everything else. It's a very real possibility.]
no subject
Me too. [ Giving into the kisses again. ] I don't wanna stop. Or sleep. Or do anything else. [ One last feeble protest that would be more effective if he wasn't returning the kisses with what's quickly growing into reckless abandon. Worrying about more than a few seconds into the future is overrated. ]
no subject
It takes a while after that for him to slow again, and it's not until they're both gasping for breath and their mouths are getting sleepier, slower and lazier and softer and he pauses for a moment to lean his forehead against Natsuno's and breathe out, breathe him in.
His head is spinning like he just dove from the sky without wings and he's never been this close to another person like this so much, for so long that it's hard to tell up from down from where Natsuno is, still properly gathered around him the way he was at the beginning.]
Me too, you know...? [it sounds like he's pulling the words from a thousand years away but they drop gentle and unresistingly down, like kisses themselves] You're the only one who ever really got it and you're here and I--
[There's briefly a raw sort of quality to his voice that tastes a little more like what they were talking about, what feels like hours ago now. It smooths out and he settles back into another kiss, lighter and briefer. This close, when the light hits his eyes at the right angle it's easy to see what happens to them when he's feeling especially feral or worked up: the red blooms around cat-slitted pupils, sharp and a little predatory even when the rest of him is whisper-soft.]
I really don't know how I found you. I thought I never would and I would have burned through every world and every dimension to find you anyway but you were right here. And this isn't even a world at all.
[There's another laugh but it's hushed and unsteady like what he just said, like it's tripped out of him. He tucks his head against Natsuno's and curls around him again and just stays there for a moment.]
no subject
The red bloom of irises reminds him of flowers buds opening at dawn, and it's perhaps in that moment that he realizes that there's beauty in things he used to disregard. He can't look away, but he can search with his one arm (the other still wrapped tightly around Anon's waist in spite of this literal loveknot of fabric and skin), to link their hands together. ]
You found me. [ He repeats, part reminder to himself and part acknowledgement that he's finally found the place where he belongs. ] And I found a real reason to keep going.