[There's another sigh and then an amused sort of noise, between Natsuno's playing with his hair and the miming that he can't see but can definitely tell is some sort of strange funny motion -- Anon really can't tell which reaction to go with. But that's fine.
He's comfortable either way, and the touches themselves are soothing -- he could sleep, he thinks, or really throw himself into touching in return like he's been wanting to this whole time. The second one would win.
He takes a breath, fingers tightening a little against Natsuno's shoulder, and keeps going.]
The tournament was just the latest thing. It was stupid, but... I-- [he pauses, reorients a little bit, because there are so many things that it's hard to explain and sort through] I think what the clan was always after was to get their old standing and power back. They wanted to lead again. And they wanted to take the Celestial world like everyone was meaning to all those years ago.
"It's what we were meant to be."
[He murmurs it softly, like a long-ago lesson.]
When I was littler, I believed in it. Trust only the clan. Take revenge on the Celestials. Take everything back someday.
[ Mmn. As hazy as his mind is, he catches that movement even if it is a bit later than he would have liked. He's still going to touch, just more rhythmical and purposeful. And if that means that they settle closer in together then that's a plus, but far secondary to his actual intent. ]
The clan was really good at making enemies, you know...?
The Celestials hated us for being Infernals, and for messing up the peace, and for guarding the Beasts and all kinds of things. That was normal.
The Infernals hated us for stirring up the Celestials all the time, and fighting a war that didn't exist anymore, and everything else we could do that they couldn't. That sucked, but it's because they were cowards.
The humans were useless, and didn't know we existed, but all they were really good for was getting real mad at anyone they thought was different. There wasn't any point to them.
[There's a gentle tap against Natsuno's shoulder for each, a casual counter.]
... It was interesting, having so many enemies. It was easy to get stronger, so I got stronger, and stronger, and before I knew it I was the strongest one in the whole clan. And then I realized -- nobody could stop me anymore. Nobody wanted to stop me.
I could do whatever I wanted.
[That's definitely his 'I thought punching God would be fun' voice, but he's unsmiling as he says it, letting things slip quiet and unremarked upon into the gap. There's a tension thrumming through him that he takes a breath, and forces out, and--]
I realized that the clan was never going to get anywhere. They were just letting God and the Celestials drag them into all their politics, and their games, and instead of -- instead of taking what they wanted, they would just keep playfighting in a war that didn't exist.
[ There's a lot here, so much he could poke and prod at but he won't. That's not who Natsuno is. He's a good listener despite the airs he puts on, and in some ways maybe that was his problem with everyone else all along. Going through the motions was tiring, teasing out and following etiquette was tiring. Why bother when everything would be simpler if everyone just spoke their mind. He hated politics and all the other noise inbetween. ]
I guess you could do whatever you wanted. But they were all still there. Celestials doing their self-righteous thing, infernals doing their cowardly thing, humans doing what humans do best, and the Protectorate going along for the ride pretending they weren't, while hanging onto your tail.
You could do whatever you wanted, but they were still there reminding you of it all. There were still expectations, even then. It's not the same but... I think that was the most disappointing thing about not dying the first time. I wasn't human any longer so I could ignore their rules, but I had to follow the shiki ones now instead. It was just natural to side with them, so why wouldn't I? I was only one of three jinrou, I was valuable and expected to play my part for "my" side. No one ever understood why I wanted nothing to do with humans, shiki, or jinrou. But I couldn't just ignore them either. I had to destroy them or it was going to crush me. One way or the other.
[ ... ]
No one understood though, until you. [ And though their experiences don't line up all the way, that doesn't matter. Natsuno accepts all of it. He could just say that but instead, instead he pulls back just as little as he needs to and kisses the bundle of pink nestled on his shoulder. ]
[He relaxes, softly and by degrees, as Natsuno talks -- lulled perhaps by the sound of his voice as much as by the words. There's something familiar about the way they echo each other across time and space and all the worlds in between; a pair of mirrors, red and clear, always. A reminder: this is where he wants to be.
Anon doesn't say anything, but with how closely they're entwined right now Natsuno can probably feel it anyway -- the way those last words and the kiss tremor right through him, full-bodied and involuntary the way that promise under the cherry tree did. A moment later he pulls up a little too, but it's quick and short-lived and solely to surge upward to catch Natsuno's lips with his own.
It's clumsy and probably kind of painful with how little control he has right now and the angle, but he's too busy continuing to pepper kisses -- a little in apology, but mostly just a mess of motion as though making up for holding himself back all this time. It's warm between them and still tastes like sake and he's muttering incoherently, bits and pieces of things that are little more than breath because he still hasn't learned not to talk while kissing.
Eventually it all melts into a proper kiss, fierce and lingering and distinctly sweeter than the sake. Words can come later.]
[ Natsuno lets himself fold under those kisses, clumsiness, messiness, sheer intensity and all. Sweet and sanguine, and more intoxicating than the sake in his veins. He's no stranger to the pangs of want and hunger, but this is different, more wanton in a way he never knew he was capable of.
Instinctively he moves to catch more of the kisses, shifting to his side before righting them both so he's more properly flush against the soft give of the futon. Though he could be laying on a mound of stones and he wouldn't care.
There's even less room for words now as they settle and Natsuno makes sure of it, pressing forward himself when too many bits and pieces threaten to come inbetween them. When they finally meet properly there's no resistance or restraint at all, just full and utter acquiescence.
How long they're like this is irrelevant, and it's difficult to say when he notices the pinprick amongst everything else. It's also something he knows well, distinct from any lovebites up to this point. As much as he doesn't want to, he slips some words when he can. ]
...I guess you like this too. [ Licking his lips, somehow this is the point when he feels embarrassed. ]
[Anon, for his part, doesn't look embarrassed whatsoever -- just kind of hazy, a little drunker-looking than he was on all the sake and deeply flushed and definitely out of breath, which is usually a rarity for him. He has to pull back a little bit so he can actually look at Natsuno, because he immediately dipped his head to try and catch him again, because that's apparently a thing now.
He's just really bad at stopping, too, once he's thrown all of himself wholeheartedly and messily and all over the place into everything that's coalesced between them here.
There's a lick of his lips in response, lazy and slightly delayed. Thoughtful.]
Mmmm, maybe? But it's okay.
'Cause I want to do this all the time-- [and he drops another kiss on Natsuno's mouth, seemingly unable to help himself now] --and every day-- [kiss] --and always.
[He's definitely doing his best to totally kiss all the words out of Natsuno again despite any pinpricks or perhaps the pinpricks are fine as part of the package? He may have either completely forgotten about all functions of the fangs there or he might just be as into the fangs as he is into everything else. It's a very real possibility.]
[ For a second there's a flicker of a frown; hurting Anon is the last thing he wants to do. But then it melts away into red hot cheeks at that confession and a different sort of embarrassment from earlier. He's never been more acutely aware that he has a heart, in both senses of the word. ]
Me too. [ Giving into the kisses again. ] I don't wanna stop. Or sleep. Or do anything else. [ One last feeble protest that would be more effective if he wasn't returning the kisses with what's quickly growing into reckless abandon. Worrying about more than a few seconds into the future is overrated. ]
[There's the softest laugh from Anon where it messes up their rhythm for just a moment, because he'll probably never learn not to laugh smack in the middle of kissing, a bright ribbon of happiness threading through it like the yellow one still nominally in his hair somewhere. All of their clothes and things are absolutely a mess now, he has one hand wound firmly in Natsuno's hair and the other curled by his neck for proper leverage.
It takes a while after that for him to slow again, and it's not until they're both gasping for breath and their mouths are getting sleepier, slower and lazier and softer and he pauses for a moment to lean his forehead against Natsuno's and breathe out, breathe him in.
His head is spinning like he just dove from the sky without wings and he's never been this close to another person like this so much, for so long that it's hard to tell up from down from where Natsuno is, still properly gathered around him the way he was at the beginning.]
Me too, you know...? [it sounds like he's pulling the words from a thousand years away but they drop gentle and unresistingly down, like kisses themselves] You're the only one who ever really got it and you're here and I--
[There's briefly a raw sort of quality to his voice that tastes a little more like what they were talking about, what feels like hours ago now. It smooths out and he settles back into another kiss, lighter and briefer. This close, when the light hits his eyes at the right angle it's easy to see what happens to them when he's feeling especially feral or worked up: the red blooms around cat-slitted pupils, sharp and a little predatory even when the rest of him is whisper-soft.]
I really don't know how I found you. I thought I never would and I would have burned through every world and every dimension to find you anyway but you were right here. And this isn't even a world at all.
[There's another laugh but it's hushed and unsteady like what he just said, like it's tripped out of him. He tucks his head against Natsuno's and curls around him again and just stays there for a moment.]
[ By the time they part his lungs are burning and his blood feels as lazy and languid and soft as his limbs. He's surely gotten a good dose of his own venom by now, and that mixed with the sake and everything else makes him feel like he's floating through a heavy cloud—kisses like raindrops that fall on his skin.
The red bloom of irises reminds him of flowers buds opening at dawn, and it's perhaps in that moment that he realizes that there's beauty in things he used to disregard. He can't look away, but he can search with his one arm (the other still wrapped tightly around Anon's waist in spite of this literal loveknot of fabric and skin), to link their hands together. ]
You found me. [ He repeats, part reminder to himself and part acknowledgement that he's finally found the place where he belongs. ] And I found a real reason to keep going.
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no subject
[There's another sigh and then an amused sort of noise, between Natsuno's playing with his hair and the miming that he can't see but can definitely tell is some sort of strange funny motion -- Anon really can't tell which reaction to go with. But that's fine.
He's comfortable either way, and the touches themselves are soothing -- he could sleep, he thinks, or really throw himself into touching in return like he's been wanting to this whole time. The second one would win.
He takes a breath, fingers tightening a little against Natsuno's shoulder, and keeps going.]
The tournament was just the latest thing. It was stupid, but... I-- [he pauses, reorients a little bit, because there are so many things that it's hard to explain and sort through] I think what the clan was always after was to get their old standing and power back. They wanted to lead again. And they wanted to take the Celestial world like everyone was meaning to all those years ago.
"It's what we were meant to be."
[He murmurs it softly, like a long-ago lesson.]
When I was littler, I believed in it. Trust only the clan. Take revenge on the Celestials. Take everything back someday.
That's the path that I was always meant to walk.
no subject
But that's what they wanted. What about you?
no subject
That was the trap. All of it.
The clan was really good at making enemies, you know...?
The Celestials hated us for being Infernals, and for messing up the peace, and for guarding the Beasts and all kinds of things. That was normal.
The Infernals hated us for stirring up the Celestials all the time, and fighting a war that didn't exist anymore, and everything else we could do that they couldn't. That sucked, but it's because they were cowards.
The humans were useless, and didn't know we existed, but all they were really good for was getting real mad at anyone they thought was different. There wasn't any point to them.
[There's a gentle tap against Natsuno's shoulder for each, a casual counter.]
... It was interesting, having so many enemies. It was easy to get stronger, so I got stronger, and stronger, and before I knew it I was the strongest one in the whole clan. And then I realized -- nobody could stop me anymore. Nobody wanted to stop me.
I could do whatever I wanted.
[That's definitely his 'I thought punching God would be fun' voice, but he's unsmiling as he says it, letting things slip quiet and unremarked upon into the gap. There's a tension thrumming through him that he takes a breath, and forces out, and--]
I realized that the clan was never going to get anywhere. They were just letting God and the Celestials drag them into all their politics, and their games, and instead of -- instead of taking what they wanted, they would just keep playfighting in a war that didn't exist.
[...]
So I decided to destroy all of them.
no subject
I guess you could do whatever you wanted. But they were all still there. Celestials doing their self-righteous thing, infernals doing their cowardly thing, humans doing what humans do best, and the Protectorate going along for the ride pretending they weren't, while hanging onto your tail.
You could do whatever you wanted, but they were still there reminding you of it all. There were still expectations, even then. It's not the same but... I think that was the most disappointing thing about not dying the first time. I wasn't human any longer so I could ignore their rules, but I had to follow the shiki ones now instead. It was just natural to side with them, so why wouldn't I? I was only one of three jinrou, I was valuable and expected to play my part for "my" side. No one ever understood why I wanted nothing to do with humans, shiki, or jinrou. But I couldn't just ignore them either. I had to destroy them or it was going to crush me. One way or the other.
[ ... ]
No one understood though, until you. [ And though their experiences don't line up all the way, that doesn't matter. Natsuno accepts all of it. He could just say that but instead, instead he pulls back just as little as he needs to and kisses the bundle of pink nestled on his shoulder. ]
no subject
Anon doesn't say anything, but with how closely they're entwined right now Natsuno can probably feel it anyway -- the way those last words and the kiss tremor right through him, full-bodied and involuntary the way that promise under the cherry tree did. A moment later he pulls up a little too, but it's quick and short-lived and solely to surge upward to catch Natsuno's lips with his own.
It's clumsy and probably kind of painful with how little control he has right now and the angle, but he's too busy continuing to pepper kisses -- a little in apology, but mostly just a mess of motion as though making up for holding himself back all this time. It's warm between them and still tastes like sake and he's muttering incoherently, bits and pieces of things that are little more than breath because he still hasn't learned not to talk while kissing.
Eventually it all melts into a proper kiss, fierce and lingering and distinctly sweeter than the sake. Words can come later.]
no subject
Instinctively he moves to catch more of the kisses, shifting to his side before righting them both so he's more properly flush against the soft give of the futon. Though he could be laying on a mound of stones and he wouldn't care.
There's even less room for words now as they settle and Natsuno makes sure of it, pressing forward himself when too many bits and pieces threaten to come inbetween them. When they finally meet properly there's no resistance or restraint at all, just full and utter acquiescence.
How long they're like this is irrelevant, and it's difficult to say when he notices the pinprick amongst everything else. It's also something he knows well, distinct from any lovebites up to this point. As much as he doesn't want to, he slips some words when he can. ]
...I guess you like this too. [ Licking his lips, somehow this is the point when he feels embarrassed. ]
I didn't get you did I?
no subject
He's just really bad at stopping, too, once he's thrown all of himself wholeheartedly and messily and all over the place into everything that's coalesced between them here.
There's a lick of his lips in response, lazy and slightly delayed. Thoughtful.]
Mmmm, maybe? But it's okay.
'Cause I want to do this all the time-- [and he drops another kiss on Natsuno's mouth, seemingly unable to help himself now] --and every day-- [kiss] --and always.
[He's definitely doing his best to totally kiss all the words out of Natsuno again despite any pinpricks or perhaps the pinpricks are fine as part of the package? He may have either completely forgotten about all functions of the fangs there or he might just be as into the fangs as he is into everything else. It's a very real possibility.]
no subject
Me too. [ Giving into the kisses again. ] I don't wanna stop. Or sleep. Or do anything else. [ One last feeble protest that would be more effective if he wasn't returning the kisses with what's quickly growing into reckless abandon. Worrying about more than a few seconds into the future is overrated. ]
no subject
It takes a while after that for him to slow again, and it's not until they're both gasping for breath and their mouths are getting sleepier, slower and lazier and softer and he pauses for a moment to lean his forehead against Natsuno's and breathe out, breathe him in.
His head is spinning like he just dove from the sky without wings and he's never been this close to another person like this so much, for so long that it's hard to tell up from down from where Natsuno is, still properly gathered around him the way he was at the beginning.]
Me too, you know...? [it sounds like he's pulling the words from a thousand years away but they drop gentle and unresistingly down, like kisses themselves] You're the only one who ever really got it and you're here and I--
[There's briefly a raw sort of quality to his voice that tastes a little more like what they were talking about, what feels like hours ago now. It smooths out and he settles back into another kiss, lighter and briefer. This close, when the light hits his eyes at the right angle it's easy to see what happens to them when he's feeling especially feral or worked up: the red blooms around cat-slitted pupils, sharp and a little predatory even when the rest of him is whisper-soft.]
I really don't know how I found you. I thought I never would and I would have burned through every world and every dimension to find you anyway but you were right here. And this isn't even a world at all.
[There's another laugh but it's hushed and unsteady like what he just said, like it's tripped out of him. He tucks his head against Natsuno's and curls around him again and just stays there for a moment.]
no subject
The red bloom of irises reminds him of flowers buds opening at dawn, and it's perhaps in that moment that he realizes that there's beauty in things he used to disregard. He can't look away, but he can search with his one arm (the other still wrapped tightly around Anon's waist in spite of this literal loveknot of fabric and skin), to link their hands together. ]
You found me. [ He repeats, part reminder to himself and part acknowledgement that he's finally found the place where he belongs. ] And I found a real reason to keep going.